The Lessons You Taught Were More Than Words
by unholytrifecta
Summary: If Rorschach tests weren't a bunch of bullshit, I would pour ink on this page right now. Chances are, you'd see the portrait of a girl you've never met. This is not her story, but it will always be ours.  Brittana Oneshot.


**Author**: EtherealPhoenix**  
>Title<strong>: The Lessons You Taught Were More Than Words  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T [For language. Wow, this is new.]  
><strong>Summary<strong>: If Rorschach tests weren't a bunch of bullshit, I would pour ink on this page right now. Chances are, you'd see the portrait of a girl you've never met. This is not her story, but it will always be ours.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: I do not own Glee.

**Author's Note**: It's been a while, you guys. I am so sorry. I've been going through emotional issues, writer's block, and general asskicking by college work. NQL should be updated pretty soon, and I'm sorry to have kept you guys waiting. Anyway, this oneshot is dedicated to the ever-wonderful **JJ** [themostrandomfandom]. All my love, and enjoy.

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><p>Let me tell you something about puzzles. That whole 'perfect fit' thing? It's not true. If it's one of those cheap as hell cardboard ones, you're going to break your wrist trying to jam those pieces together. And then they just end up bent and useless. If it's made out of wood, it'll only last for so long. Sooner or later, those splinters are going to show.<p>

And the more you sand it down, the worse it will fit. This kind of change? It's permanent. You can't get it back - you will _never_ get it back. And you can't force something where it doesn't belong, even if it once did.

My name is Santana Lopez, and I'm nothing more than a broken puzzle - a fragment of what I used to be. My edges are worn down. I've gotten myself chipped over the years. I'm sure I've probably ended up lost for a while, in some dark corner where no one ever bothered to go looking.

No one except her.

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><p>Her name was Brittany. I could never forget. She danced like the world was on fire, like the very ground would burn beneath her if she dared to linger. Feather-light footsteps and movements like water, like some ethereal being that you had the privilege to look at but never, ever touch.<p>

But I touched. My fingers trailed planes of skin that couldn't possibly be human. Softer than the satin sheets that we often ended up in. Time and time again, I traced the contours of her body with my hands, and soon after, with my lips. I was set on reading the map that slowly revealed itself beneath my touch. I knew the pattern of lines that criss-crossed themselves along her palms, the exact angle of her collarbone, every freckle that graced the bridge of her nose. Everything that was _her_. And in those moments? I _felt_.

Maybe that was my mistake. I should have known that angels were never meant to walk the earth. It wasn't their place.

Something so pure, so damn _good_, it can never exist in a world like this. You can have glimpses, sure. But something like this - something like _her_? It's never yours to keep.

We became _us_ when no one was watching. We pulled each other into dark corners, joined hands in deserted hallways, joined lips behind the safety of closed doors, when the judgment of the world was a little less _there_.

And when the desires of my mind surrendered to those of my heart.

After all, I was always our biggest complication.

For all of my shortcomings, she built me back up. For every fearful step I took backwards, she'd wait and take me by the hand and whisper endless promises of _love _and _marriage_ and _forever_ until I had the courage to step forward with her. For everything she was, and everything she wasn't, I am forever grateful.

I've come to learn something about love. It's like fire. It starts from somewhere deep inside of your soul and works its way outward, consuming you slowly. But it's so much more. It leaves its imprint on the glow of your skin and the joy in your smile, and even when the blaze is long past, the effect remains.

The person I am now was forged by something indescribable, and yet explained by a handful of words: the simple act of knowing and loving one girl. One very special girl.

My tears on this page are for the future we never got the chance to experience. They're for all of the promises that she had every intention of keeping and couldn't.

But over time, they have stopped being for her loss. She was destined for me, but she couldn't stay.

This is so damn new to me. The crying, I mean. I guess I couldn't spare the tears when I wore a mask, trying to protect both her and myself from what others thought.

I protected her from all of the wrong things. She told me that, once. She was always the wiser one.

She was my balance. Her spirit outshone my doubt. I hid from the world, while she embraced it. She taught me to live in the moment, without concern for whatever lurked around the next corner. _We had each other, so what else mattered?_

We'd always have each other.

_Siempre._

To everyone else? To the eyes of family who scorned us, strangers who we never wanted to watch us in the first place, and those in between who never truly understood? We were nothing close to a perfect match.

I was the girl with a chain-bound heart and a vendetta against the world. She was the girl with a permanent smile who saw life and love in a different light, bigger and brighter than most could ever hope for.

But against all odds, we fit. Maybe not perfect by some standards, but it was _our _perfect. So, here's my advice: fuck the odds.

_Una vez en la vida - es todo lo que tienes. Una oportunidad para arriesgarlo todo. Espero que hagas lo que yo no hice._

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><p>I once knew a girl. And if fate takes me from this world the way it took her, far too early and with no warning, at least someone else now knows how much I loved her. That will be my legacy. One heart, battered and bruised and eternally changed for the better, put on display for everyone to see. It's all I can give.<p>

If you should ever pass this on, remember that her name was Brittany.

Because I will never forget.

Signed,  
><em>Santana Lopez.<em>

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><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Well, there you have it. I was actually crying while writing this. So many feelings. Happy Valentine's/Brittana Kiss Day!  
>-EtherealPhoenix.<p>

_*Once in a lifetime - that's all you get. One chance to risk it all. I hope you'll do what I couldn't._


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